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20130115
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Search Results 0 to 15 of about 16 (some duplicates have been removed)
got a great idea for energy bars. call because i just got a great idea for energy bars. [ r ]ter ] isurprise...it's eating less. to losing weight. i'm hungry just thinking about it. thank goodness for new slimful. one delicious, 90-calorie slimful and a glass of water, like before dinner, helps keep me satisfied for hours. so instead of this much, i only need this much. and slimful tastso good... i don't even miss dessert. slimful and a glass of water... eating less is a beautiful thing. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. [cheers and applause] my guest tonight is a talkshow host who thinks he knows what's best for america. sorry, that job's taken. please welcome piers morgan. [cheers and applause] good to see you again. >> good to to see you. >> stephen: how are you? >> very good, thank you. >> stephen: thank you for coming on. i'm a big fan of the show and i mean this in the most respectful way possible get (bleep) out of town. [ laughter ] okay? no, no after the interview. >> okay. >> stephen: you understand to an american ear what it sounds like to have
and gentlemen. thank you for the amount of energy you put into that chanting given the fact that you've done it before. welcome to hour two of the broadcast. nation, you know, i do this show for one reason and one reason only, to look out for you. as we speak there's a massive corporate conspiracy to rip you off that the president has been strangely silent on. fortunately one brave news organization tackled it head on. "the new york post". today their front page blew the lid off the scandal honey, they shrunk the foot long. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] black and white. turns out that the subway foot-long is sometimes 11 inches. we've been $5 foot wronged. come on! 12 inches is 12 inches. i know it's cold out but that's no excuse. [ laughter ] now -- now we know how jared lost all that weight. [ laughter ] he starved to death. [ laughter ] folks this is an enormous breach of trust, subway. are your employees even certified sandwich artists? have they passed the free art test where they have to make a turtle out of lunch meat? i want to give hats off to reporters caylee and natalee o'kne
? [ laughter ] you might want to put some of this energy into that. because once our robots are womiting, who's going to clean up after my roomba? [ laughter ] my other roomba? it'll start puking when it sees the first one blow chunks. [ laughter ] on the plus side, we finally have a robot the japanese won't want to have sex with. [ laughter ] but they should, because... >> new strains of drug restistant gonorrhea have spread to countries around the world. >> gonorrhea is beginning to outsmart our drugs. >> stephen: threat number 2: superintelligent gonorrhea! [ laughter ] a study has shown that gonorrhea has become resistant to the oral antibiotic cefixime. so if you've got vd, cefix-i-me will no longer ce-fix-a- you. [ laughter ] or anyone else! meaning everyone is in danger. everyone except for the number one threat to america: bears! [cheers and applause] jim? >> scientists say panda blood could help stave off illness. theyv'e discovered a powerful antibiotic that exisits in the bloodflow of giant pandas. >> stephen: that's right. pandas have super antibiotics in their blood, and all this
got a great idea for energy bars. [ r ]ter ] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. [cheers and applause] my guest tonight is a talkshow host who thinks he knows what's best for america. sorry, that job's taken. please welcome piers morgan. [cheers and applause] good to see you again. >> good to to see you. >> stephen: how are you? >> very good, thank you. >> stephen: thank you for coming on. i'm a big fan of the show and i mean this in the most respectful way possible get (bleep) out of town. [ laughter ] okay? no, no after the interview. >> okay. >> stephen: you understand to an american ear what it sounds like to have an english accent telling us how to live our lives. [ laughter ] >> i actually do, yes. i know how annoying it is, yes. >> stephen: you come from a place without the second amendment. >> we don't actually have guns. literally we don't have guns. you can't get your hands on them. the police don't have them. people in britain don't have guns. >> stephen: you hate the united states constitution. >> i love it. >> stephen: have you ever read a copy of it
there, folks, you can feel the energy in this room tonight because there's one story rocking this nation. a bombshell dropped by my hero, lance armstrong, master of the two wheeler. rumors have been swirling for years about lance, but unlike most americans, when times got tough, i didn't get off the tandem bike of admiration. no! i saddled up, rang the bell of loyalty, put down the kickstand of support, stayed in it to schwinn it, and-- i've run out of bike metaphors. [ laughter ] point is, the man's a hero. he beat cancer. then went on to beat something even less popular: the french. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] well, yesterday he finally broke his silence in an explosive sit down with oprah. now, it doesn't air until thursday and security around the interview has been tighter than lance's pants. [ laughter ] we know absolutely nothing. so, of course, all the cable news networks are reporting it. [ laughter ] lady o refuses to release any clips to the news media, but instead. she sat down with her best friend gayle's best cbs "this morning" co-host charlie rose to give us her rea
Search Results 0 to 15 of about 16 (some duplicates have been removed)